Multiple combinations of emotions are scurrying through my body at the moment. Lately I am lost in myself. Whoa as me....

This is not supposed to be pity time. For me, it is more of a reflecting time. Knowing myself, probably better than most I might say, reflection is usually dabbled with in not so good times for my self.

This past weekend while walking around Kent with my good friend Beth we arrived upon a sort of fellow, who although should not a role modeal, is a role model. I have never known or even heard of the artist Vince until this day, and our random encounter has made me think about ways in which different people live their lives.

There was nothing remarkable about Vince, to say the least. He was a scrawny guy who is in his late thirties. He is unkept, odd, and not entirely attractive - at all. But his stories of moving, or working, of not having any money but managing to live off the land sounded so great. So with the flow. So magnificent. I still struggle to go with the flow and to see an individual go at it with such ease was refreshing.

What I struggle with is not being able to be on my own. I hate it. What I tell myself on a day to day basis is that I am a natural loner. When deep down...I really do need something of substance in my life - platonic or not.

I am still in the process of trying to go with the flow. But lordy lordy, the emotions take a toll.