I met with my friend Danelle the other day for lunch. And with her it is the usual shenanigans. I don't know why crazy things always happen when we're together...maybe the forces of nature comes together like a fantasma of Captain Planet nostalgia, but things always happen.

I meet Danelle at her office and we set out to get Chinese food. Now, first off I don't know why decided to get some shitty over-priced Chinese food (which at 3.50 is probably some of the cheapest Chinese food to get...I'm told) because I made a sandwich and took an apple. Oh well...my mind fickle. I didn't know that it was just a stand on the side of the street. So we get our Chinese food, get a Coke, and now we're going to have some lunch. Or are we......

Danelle is wearing a skirt this day and we can't do the usual squat and eat, so we head off to a park that she knows is nearby. Which is fine by me, I don't really care as long as I can sit somewhere before I head to a corner of the library for the rest of the day. So we walked through and alley that smelt of urine and avoided the rest of the lunchers running to get their egg mayonaise sandwiches and made it to the park.

I took off the rectangular white cardboard lid and laid it face up on the cement directly behind me and begin my feast of a lunch. All is going well, it's a nice day (e.g. not raining) and we're chatting with the usual complaints (I hate UCL, that guy has weird hair, maybe when I grow up I can be an astronaut. etc). When the guy that cleans the park takes my lid. The whole scene was in slow motion. He had an extended stick with a claw on the end of it that you find in those "As seen on TV" stores, and he slyly stuck it behind me and took my lid. In my mind I was going NNNNOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo. Which ended in an auditory (to Danelle).

"That bastard took my lid. I don't want to eat all of this. Now I can't save what I don't eat."

What do I get to console me? Laughed at.

Continuing our chat Danelle gets up to throw something away and sets her Chinese where she was sitting. I wasn't paying attention to anything but the stupid pigeons and their fluff and wondering if I was going to get the bird flu from it. Almost gagging from my neuroses Danelle comes back looking disgusted.

In the calmest and most rational voice staring straight ahead, "The birds just ate my lunch. Tegan, I am disgusted. I can't eat this now. The birds ate my lunch." Laughing hysterically as she throws most of her 3.50 away she comes back and yells, "WHAT IS THAT!" I of course have no idea what she's talking about turn my head from side to side like a cartoon. What was it? Bird crap. I bird crapped on my sweater, on my bag, and in my hair. Disgusting. I hate pigeons. And after this what did I have to look forward to? The library.

In short, pigeons are rats with wings.